Look What You've Done To Me
by Rokujou Hikari
Summary: A series of poems and a story from Ryou's view on how he's become scince his friends started to not care. He's not the sweet innocent Ryou he used to be.
1. Intro

**I was writing a poem on my xanga, and when i was done, this is what i got. It inspired me to write this fic.**

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

Laughter echos through the black air, the sound makes me want to scream.

Trapped in a depth of nothingness; except pain, hurt, and regret.

Other than that, no emotion at all.

That laughter's there again, but the sound to me is like screaming.

I fall to my knees, closing my eyes and covering my ears, in hopes that it will go away.

But it's persistent, everlasting, it even gets louder.

As if it were mocking me,

shoving it in my face that i can no longer bear this emotion.

Grinning down at my shaking form,

giving me a kick, another bruise to add to my collection.

Another cry; another laugh; another scream.

It picks me up off of my feet,

carrying me to the glinting metal,

even though i squirm to get away.

But though a part of me doesn't want it, another seems to take over

to guide me to my savior; my relief of pain.

It shines bright to me, yet dimly in the darkness,

and myconcience guides it to my already marred arm.

Entranced, i press down deeply,

as the laughter seems to dissapear slowly,

and my mind turns away from the emotional pain, and towards the physical.

Igrin in satisfaction as crimson seeps from my fresh wound.

Iraise it to my mouth, enjoying the sweet, yet coppery flavor of the blood.

Iput it down again, wondering if i should have done this.

My mind says no, but my consience tells me otherwise.

This was not self inflicted. It was because of others that i do this.

It's all their fault, not mine.

They wouldn't be laughing if they knew what they were doing to me.

...Or would they?

Igrow angry as i raise the knife once again,

not caring where it went this time,

slashing randomly, my blood spilling on the black abyss which is my floor.

Asadistic smirk crosses my lips, wishing you could see me here,

see what your neglegence has turned me into.

Idip my fingers in the blood, lifting them as high as i can get them,

putting them against what i think is the wall,

writing one phrase at least a hundred times.

So much meaning and emotion behind these six simple words,

repeated over and again.

'Look what you've done to me'

I bandage my wounds,

careful not to leave a trace of my mulitation.

Ipull on a sweater and join you quietly,

to sit in the backround as usual.

Hearing your laughter once more,

a smile crosses my face,

sadism flashes in my eyes,

pain stirrs in my heart.

But you don't knowtice; you never do.

SoI fade back into my world,

where theres nothing but hurt, pain and regret.

And i walk over to my knife, one thing on my mind again:

'Look what you've done to me.'

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

**As i call it, the sadism formula. It came from my evil twisted mind.**

**This is a one-shot but if you ask nicely, i might make it longer and into a story**.


	2. Lies

**Well...my reviews say that I should continue...mmm...ok. I will.**

**To my reviewers:**

**Alex C: i know my name doesn't fit my personality. Thats the funny part. It used to, but it doesn't anymore. Life can even make a light turn dark. Just as the story says. I, hikari, write the dark angsty stories, sunny writes the humor. It used to be the other way around.**

**hikarinotenshi15: haven't you read someother of my stories? You're names familliar to me. You think this is emotional, you should read my xanga. This poem was one of my entries, because poerty many peoples way of expressing emotion. And because i was trying to tell my feelings to my friends indirrectly.**

**They just think its another one of my random poems -.-**

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

_They think they know what's wrong with me,_

what I'm going through deep inside.

Thats a lie.

They swear they know how i feel and whats wrong with my head,

they say they've all had times where they went through what i did.

Thats a lie.

They say they'll help me get through life,

and no matter what, they'll be by my side.

That's a lie.

They say they know everything about me,

because i'm the sweet innocent creature i used to be.

That's a lie.

And care so much that i'm alive.

and never want to see me die.

Thats a lie.

They say they'll protect me because thats what friends are for.

That's a lie.

They say stuff about me,

that i'm screwed up in the head Thats a lie.

They say I'm making a big deal about this.

They all have worse problems, so why am i so miserable?

_Thats a lie._

They don't care that i exist,

they don't know that i hear them talking about me,

they don't feel the way i do,

they don't real issues too,

they don't mind seeing me in pain,

they don't see my mulitation,

they don't want me there,

they don't understand my true feelings,

how much i want to die.

That's not a lie.

* * *

I hear them, laughing, giggling away without a care in the world. They don't even realise that i'm here

"You ok, Bakura?" I hear Yugi ask me through the dark clouds within my mind.

As i snap back to reality, I look up at him blankly, untill i realize I am again in school.

A smile crosses my face, as i put on that innocent smile, that denies all of my inner emotions. "I'm fine." I say throught gritted teeth.

No you're not.

"Well...ok...but if you need to talk...i'm here..." The shrimp smiles and goes back to whatever he was doing.

_Liar_.

I sigh, and close my eyes. I don't know how much longer i'm gonna be able to do this. To act like nothings wrong with me, when in reality, i'm about to break.

But maybe if i hold on to everything i have left, maybe one day, they'll see how hurt i am, one day, they'll accept me for who i am. They'll understand that i need more than a second glance every now and then.

_That's a lie._

Who am i kidding. I have nothing left. Even though the spirit of the ring hated me, he still acknowlegded my existance. But now he's gone. He's in the depths of darkness, or probably in hell. They took him away from me, and i'm all alone.

_That's not a lie._

But who needs him? Certainly not me. He's a mean, nasty, dark person. Plus, everyones meant to be alone.

_...That's a lie._

**O.O.O.O.O.O.O**

**well...this chapter wasn't as good. But the poem for the next chapter is better. Review please!**


	3. Nothing

**Marick'sDarkSlave- I continued...you're welcome. I'll try to keep up with this...**

**hikarinotenshi15- Hm...yes this story comes from my mind, but i don't really need to talk about it...but i will talk anyways! If you have aim, my name is animehikari12. If not, feel free to email me anytime. **

Dark Magician Girl Hikaru- Wow...was it really that emotional? I guess, so.

In that case, here's more.

O.O.O.O.O.O.O

_There you go again, _

forgetting my very existence.

not realizing how hurt i am,

the real personality behind the mask.

Seeming problem free,

Its just an illusion.

It's not real,

one day, it will all just fade away.

Dissolve into nothing,

just like my broken spirit,

and your view upon me.

_I guess it's only human nature, _

to hold someone tightly,

then throw them away.

Like a piece of trash;

Like they're nothing,

just because you found someone better?

Is that all i am?

Am i nothing in your eyes?

You swear up and down that my thoughts are incorrect.

That its just a voice in my head that's troubled,

and that one day, my blind eyes will see reality.

Though its not me who needs to open my eyes.

It's you.

I don't need to fix what i've done,

I've done nothing wrong.

If i had to go back in the past to fix a mistake,

it wouldn't be my faults.

_It would be that i was born. _

And i thought trash cannot make mistakes,

you told me that,

before i turned to nothing in your eyes.  
_  
I don't understand how i fell so quickly to you._

_One second i was everything to you, _

the next i'm not even there.

And the infection spread,

it's as if i died to the world.

As if i'm standing at my grave,

reading my headstone.

But it's blank,

as if i was never born,

_with one word etched into it's rocky, crumbling surface. _

Nothing.

It seems as though i never meant a thing to the world,

to my mom and dad,

to my sister,

to my friends.

Nothing.

That's all i am. I never was anything else.

I'm so pathetic, that's all i can tell myself.

I'm Nothing.

You wonder why i hate myself so?

You'd hate yourself too,

if you were lower than the lowest lifeform If you were lower than trash,

If you were nothing.

* * *

They all walked out without me again...imagine that.

They saw Mai over there, i guess.

Reminds me of battle city.

After i was knocked unconsious, who stayed by my side?

Nobody.

They all left me.

Who took care of my body while i was in the shadow realm?

Nobody.

Though after Mai was banished, who stood by her?

Everybody.

I bet they wouldn't care if I had stayed in the shadow realm.

And right now, neither do I.

I'm nobody to this world.

Just "that kid" to everyone.

I don't matter.

I'm nothing.

**O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O**

**Review please!**


	4. Break

**Ryous lil Tenshi: I know you love ryou angst! I've read a lot of your stories. Go ahead and ramble on, so do I! Did this really make you cry?**

Dark Magician Girl Hikaru- Adore is the right word. Who doesn't love angst? And my name may mean light, but who says i can't be dark too? ((grins evily))

O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O

_Deaf screams, muting reality My silent suffening,_

i am loud but it goes unheard.

I am in sight but unseen by you,

so i fade into a crowd, unknowticed,

uncared for, while you stroll by unaware.

I am tired of being hurt by you.

not verbal abuse, but lack of communication.

My blood pools to the floor,

and you step blindly into it,

not knowing its there, not knowing you caused it to be there.

All i wanted was someone to love me,

and you couldn't grant this simple request.

A simple, "Hello Ryou" is too much to ask.

_A hug for a greeting?_

No.

Just that fake smile, as you turn and leave me alone,

to go talk about how fun it was without me there.

To talk about how lonely i look,

to giggle at my wounds,

to whisper about the strange look in my eyes,

as you soon recognise it as jealousy.

But as you turn away,

it changes ever so slightly.

My fake expression wears off into hate,

and my eyes show unseen insanity,

a dark grin crossing my face.

I pull out my blade,

not caring who's watching,

and carve deeply into my flesh:

SO YOU CAN'T HURT ME

_I'm tired of them getting away with this._

I call out and you purposely hurt me.

How much more obvious must i be!

I cross out hurt.

you've done more than that.

But i won't give into it,

i will not be shattered by the likes of them.

Even if it means i must be alone forever.

I turn back to my arm,

knowing the perfect replacement for hurt.

SO YOU WON'T BREAK ME.  


* * *

I walk home alone in the rain, my eyes only noticing the movement of my feet.

Another typical day, ignored and one step closer to breaking.

Being alone can tear you appart. make you not want to live anymore.

I Don't want to live this way, at the mercy of your ignorance.

I've become a shell of my once happy self.

Or have i ever been truely happy?

There was a time.

When my yami was here.

I admit, he was harsh and cruel at one point, untill he saw how hurt i truely was.

He noticed i needed love, and he became the one i love the most.

Untill "they" came and snatched away my shot at true happyness.

It's like they knew what i wanted the most, and destroyed it, just to hear me scream.

Just to watch me bleed.

I think they want to hurt me.

But i have something that they can't take away.

I have self inflicted pain, something they could never destroy.

My scars will never go away.

They cannot erase the white lines that shimmer across my already pale skin, for they are here to stay.

Too bad.

I'll have my freedom forever,

So you can't break me.

**O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O.O**

**Read and review!**

**Ps: If you have comments that you want to give me personaly, feel free to email me. I love to get mail!**


	5. Without

**dArkliTe-sPirit- I know it was true, and thats what bugs the hell outta me about this show...As of now, ryou's the only good part of it. **

kalimoto- I'm writing, I'm writing!

Dark Magician Girl Hikaru- Dont worry, your review isn't late...but as for updating, i am!

AFIrockergurl14- Hey amber! I never really watch yugioh either. I used to...but no more...by the way, i dont care about danielles illiterate crap...no offence...ok maybe a little bit of offence...because my peoms are more then just some lame story, its how i feel.

o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o

_I think of a time when it was just us two, _

when we were inseprable,

me and you.

Now i am broken,

you were taken from me,

sometimes the truth,

is a little too hard to see.

I want you back,

here to stay,

but i know deep inside,

it will never be that way.

I miss you so much it's ripping me appart,

they've shattered my soul,

torn open my heart.

I'm dying on the inside,

my wounds will never heal.

I will never be ok.

i need you to feel.

Slipping away being alone is all i fear becoming dimmer,

for i need you here.

Deeper is my water weaker is my soul Half am I.

With you i was whole.

But I Will never see you again.

But no one else,

will never know how I've been.

Broken,

Shattered,

torn,

battered.

Wishing,

praying.

Hoping

_my soul straying without you_.

* * *

I walk through the door, A part of me still expecting my yami's smile to greet me. 

But it never comes.

I throw my school stuff on the floor, not really caring where it lands or what it breaks.

Not even bothering to turn on the lights, i sit on the floor, like i do every day.

I dont eat, I dont sleep. Just sit.

As much as I hate to be alone, its the truth. Everyone has left me.

My father made a bull shit excuse that he was going to work, but i found out that it wasn't true.

I was following yugi and his friends around in the mall once, they had said something about making it up to me for forgeting to invite me to their party the previous night. I really didn't care what happened, i figured they'd think that i was sick if i said no, so i had to go.

We stopped at the food court, they all got something to eat, and i didn't feel up to it. So i stared into space, pondering over the situation, deciding whether or not i should run for it, when someone caught my eye.

They were going into the jewelry store, and i stood up and followed them. Yugi and his friends gave me a weird look, but went back to their chattering and whatever it is that they do.

I walked cautiously in the store, my eyes confirming my previous belief. There stood my father, and some girl...that was holding a little baby.

He didn't go to work. He left me so he could start a new family.

My eyed widened in shock, but i shook my head, laughing to myself.

I should have known. He hasn't been home in 5 months...I walked back to the table, getting a weird look from everyone, but ignored them completely. They could take their opinions and shove it up their asses.

I sigh as that memory fades away. My fathers never coming home. Whats the point in waiting for him to?

He's gone, my friends dont care...and I'll never see Bakura again.

When i dont want him, he's here. When i do want him, he's in the shadow realm.

And right now, I want him. I want him to be right next to me.

I miss him.

I miss his face,

I miss his smile,

I miss his embrace,

I miss his kiss,

I miss his love,

And right now, I miss his hate.

But for now, I sit here.

Alone, in the darkness,

nobody here,

I need my yami.

Can't he see?

Bakura, I'm alone here,

Without you.

**o0o0o0o0o0o0o**

**Another chapter.**

**Review!**


	6. Never

**Hello reader, and reviewers.**

**the next chappie-ter is here!**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

Here I sit in the darkness,

alone without a friend

here is where my coffin is

this will be my end.

With only a razor

with only a blade

with only few memories

the ones that dont fade.

everyone left

not knowing what ive been through

they saw my insanity

not knowing what to do

nobodys here

what can i say?

one person stayed

but they took him away.

Now im torn to pieces

once i was whole

my heart is broken

just like my soul.

My knife in my arm

slashes all over me

the writing in my skin

to keep my sanity

my spirit broke

my life is a dud

so all i can do

Is spill more of my blood

they cant stop me

they cant destroy my life

they took away everything else

but they cant take my knife.

* * *

Life is a confusing thing, ne?

I walk into the bathroom, pulling out the blade from the razor that i kept on the sink.

I dont have to hide it. Theres no one to hide it from.

No one cared whether i cut or not

They dont even knowtice my new scars.

Hell, I doubt they would care if i comitted suicide...they'd probably laugh to death.

I wish Bakura were here. I know he'd care. He'd snatch the razor from my hands and tell me that its bad. He'd ask me why i do it, and when i told him, he'd tell me that I'm not alone. He'd hold me and tell me I'm beautiful. He'd kiss my lips, and I'd be pain free.

Gods, I love him so fucking much.

But he's never coming back to me.

Never.

I furiously stab the small blade into my arm, right next to the other marks, which either spell out words, or are random slashes.

Discovering that i dont have enough room on the arms, i move to my wrist, starting by my elbow, and carving downwards one simple word: Never.

Never means Never.

Never will they break me.

Never will they have the pleasure of laughing at my grave.

They will never have the satisfaction of seeing me dead.

Never will my lover return.

He will never come back to me.

To hold me,

To kiss me,

To tell me that i'm not alone,

To love me...

To keep me alive.

NEVER.

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

**Sorry for the late update...give me a break, I'm at the library for ra's sake!**


	7. what

_All alone,_

In an empty room.

The sun went down

Another sleepless night to mourn

The moon rising silently

the empty feeling inside growing larger.

is darkness a thing to fear?

some find relief in its descuise

some hide in its cloak

so that the world wont find them till dawn

But I am the light

The darkness overpowers my strength

Just as it had my heart.

I grew to love my darkness.

What do you do when you love something,

and it was suddenly snatched away?

How do you react when a part of you suddenly vanishes

Dissapears completely, into dust?

How do you live feeling empty all the time?

Like a part of you is missing?

The part you love the most about yourself.

gone.

what do you do,

when you're all alone without a friend, in the darkness.

With no where to hide

No where to run

No place to go?

What do you do then?

* * *

I climb out my bedroom window, to sit on the roof and stare at the moon, like i do every night.

I'm not exactly sure why.

Maybe its because i like the moon.

Or maybe it's because it's what me and Bakura used to do together every night.

He'd say to me how beautiful the moon was.

He'd say it reminded him of me.

At first I'd ask him why, untill i knew his answer. I think maybe he said it to drill "the truth" into my head, considering I've never had much confidence.

He'd say "Both you and the moon are beautiful to me."

Then he'd pull me closer, into a passionate kiss that would leave us gasping for air seconds later.

He'd hold me close and add "but I only truely love one of you"

Even though he did this every night, tears would always roll down my face. I'd be so happy to hear it.

That I was loved. Me. Useless, ugly, pathetic, Me.

Loved.

Let alone by some who i loved back.

Loved for more than my body.

He loved me for being me. He was a part of me.

What do you do when that special person, the one who were sent to love you and keep you alive. disapears?

What do you do?

I'll tell you.

You end up like me. You turn into what you were before love.

Before I met Bakura I was weak and pathetic. I had no faith in myself, I didn't trust anyone, I had no friends, my dad left, I nobody to love me.

The only people who comunicated with my were bullys with their insults and abuse- not that they were much help. I was all alone.

Kind of like I am now.

What do you do,

when you're like me?

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

Well...another chappie-ter...Writing at the library sucks.

Attention...anyone who likes my poems can check out my xanga, which usually has my poems on it before i put the next chapter up. So you can read them...then guess what the next chapter is about.

My name is animehikari12.

And if you go on gaia I'm on there too


	8. again

**BWAAAAH! I haven't had access to a savable computer with internet for forever. (Hugs the school comp and cries) Ok, so i'm putting this up, and will update on the next b-day that i have avalible.**

_The sun rises once again_

_another day begins again_

_Another day to cry silent tears to my friends_

_so they can laugh at me once more._

_Insanity crumbling my defensive walls,_

_slowly but surely_

_it will fall._

_I find my blade to cut again_

_so my blood drip onto the floor_

_to prove that i'm not the nothing that i used to be_

_i try and try_

_but renewal never comes_

_it just takes away the pain inside_

_for an instant_

_i can grasp a feeling of relinquishment_

_for a moment my mind turns away_

_from the hell the day will be_

_and towards the numbing pain_

_of a blade across scarred skin._

_Then i'll walk nonchalantly into school,_

_no one really caring,_

_and go through the day,_

_like its just like everyday,_

_with no one hearing my silent screaming for help,_

_again. _

They will all stare at me, but see right through me.

_I force a smile, and without a second look, they believe it's sincere._

_Once again, I'm living a lie._

_And once again, they believe it._

-

I hear the doorbell ring. It's Yugi and his "Oh good, you're still alive check," as i call it.

But my guess is Yami no Yugi forces him to go to come and make sure my yami hasn't returned.

My love...

I set down the bloodstained razorblade, and open the door.

Now a days, i dont even have to wear something over my arms and wrists.

Hell yes, they have knowticed my mutilation.

I dont think they care anymore.

I get odd looks from my fangirls, whenever they see my marks.

To hell with them, they can find someone else to follow around and squeak whenever i give them a second glance.

Now a days they give me funny looks of suprise and discust...I guess they're starting to realize i'm not as cute and innocent as i used to be.

Even I know, when my love used to be around, I was something different. I used to be able to smile, for i knew that even if the day sucked, there would be a smiling face to come home to.

But now there's only darkness greeting me, and I dont mean my own.

The unwanted darkness is the one who still lingers in my household. My yami is probably suffering for enternity in a world of shadows. And I'm suffering here, on earth, without him.

Once again, I have this empty feeling inside. All my friends have gone, and I feel the same way i did when me and my father first moved to Domino. My mother and sister had died, and I felt as though i had lost all meaning of living.

But then I had my run in with Bakura. My life changed, and life began to seem better.

But then...they came.

My so called "friends" who actually didn't give a damn about me, came along.

I think they were jealous.

Yeah, that's it. Jealous.

They saw how happy i was. They planned it out. They planed how to destroy my life. They tried in battle city, but failed. Miserably.

But somehow, they suceeded in taking him. I looked the other way, and when i turned around again, he was gone.

That fast, i haven't seen him scince.

Once again, i lost him. Twice in Duelist Kingdom, Twice in Battle city, and once he went into the past, they took him for good. All he wanted was his memory back...and revenge for the Pharoah killing his village...

Once again, I'm alone.

Alone to suffer

to be in despair.

Alone to slowly rot away.

Again.

**stay tuned!**


	9. Selfishness

**Attention: If you are reading this right now, that means...**

**My computer has internet again!**

**Here is the very much owed next chapter...or two...if i'm nice enough to post it.**

**o0o0o0o**

_Where has my love gone?_

_Into the shadows for all eternity?_

_Or living in complete happiness with another?_

_Is it selfish of me to think that way about him,_

_While I'm living a life of freedom in this realm?_

_No._

_I'm sitting here,_

_in the equivelence of his world in my own house._

_Stuck in this hell life of living alone_

_Is slowly wearing me down._

_Death is in the near forcast,_

_I'll die of a broken heart before anything else._

_Maybe he's resting in peace somewhere,_

_not in the shadow realm,_

_but somewhere that you go as you die._

_Perhaps he's dancing with his mother_

_As I have longed for so long to dance with mine._

_All of his frends are probably laughing with him,_

_What if it's because their watching me rot?_

_Is this all in my mind?_

_I would come back to the one who I truely loved,_

_Instead of watching them slowly go crazy._

_Look at my wrists,_

_If I go any deeper I'm a gonner._

_Is it selfish of me to wonder why I'm still alive?_

_To invite death into my house,_

_to take me to a different place?_

_No, It's not._

_While he rests in peace,_

_I'm on the brink of a breakdown._

_While he watches me sleep,_

_I'm watching him dissapear from my mind._

_He couldn't even stop by to tell me he loves me._

_I don't think I'm being selfish at all._

**o0o0o0o0o**

I can hear the clock ticking slowly.

Once again, I'm here in my house, staring at the wall, and thinking of him.

How long has it been scince I've slept? A few weeks, i suppose.

I realised that I'm fiddling with a knife...ok make that digging into my skin with it.

Blood is getting everywhere, but I don't feel a thing. Am I really that numb?

I don't even care if I die anymore. I'm tired of waiting for him. He's not going to come back for me, and I don't think that I can wait for him. Look what's happened to me, I've died so much that my "friends" disowned me.

Last week I was walking behind them to class, when a teacher whispered to them and asked them my name. They turned to look at me, and said that they'd never seen me in their life. Apparently the teacher didn't have the guts to ask me. She's smart. I wouldn't have answered anyways.

Wow, that memory must have made me angry. My arm is drenched in blood, and dripping all over the place. Oh well, it's not like anyone comes into my house anymore. I fall backwards onto the couch and stare at the ceiling.

Is it selfish to be mad at everyone in the world. Why am I mad anyways? They've all done nothing to me!

Or nothing **for **me.

I want to cry. I want to sob myself to sleep and wake up with Bakura smiling down at me, asking if we're having bacon for breakfast. I wish he would volunteer to make pancakes (even if they ended up looking like black frizbees) or to go to the bakery and "buy" cream puffs for me.

I don't even think I like cream puffs anymore...I haven't have them in so long...They make me think of him too much.

Do I ever stop thinking about him! Is it selfish of me to wish him out of his happiness to come back to this terrible world that'll remind him of everything that haunts his past? Is it selfish of me to want him back, although I know that that damn Pharoah will find out and send him strait back to the shadow realm?

Is it selfish for me to want to kill Yuugi? That would solve all of my problems in the end, to just kill the pharoah's bitch. But that would be selfish too, to make him suffer for something he didn't do. Or maybe that's what "his majesty" wants.

What if yuugi were forced to stay away from me because of the pharoah? We used to be such good friends untill that bastard found out about Bakura. Of course, I was ok with it, because I still had someone who cared...Maybe Yuugi didn't.

Heh...Is it selfish of me to not give a damn?

**0o0o0o0o0o0**

**Yes, everyone knows Ryou-kun likes cream puffs...So you gotta know he's gone crazy when he doesn't like them any more ,O.o,**

**Three cheers for comcast internet!**

**(Note: this is not subliminal advertising)**

**I have the next 3 chaps ready to roll, so review and tell me that you want them :heart:**


	10. Maybe

**I'm feeling generous tonight...**

**0o0o0o0o0**

_From the earthly realm I'm watching his illusion in my dreams._

_I can hear him crying._

_Maybe It's because he misses me. _

_Maybe it's because he feels the way I do._

_Alone and helpless._

_I think I hear him screaming._

_Maybe he wants to kill someone,_

_Vengence has always been in his blood._

_Maybe he's dying._

_Perhaps it's slow and painful._

_Maybe he's waiting out the death penalty._

_What if he's watching me?_

_What if he wishes he could kiss every mark on me,_

_and tell me he's sorry it took him so long to return._

_What if he's enjoying this?_

_Maybe he likes the darkness._

_Maybe he prefers to be with the shadows more than with me._

_What will happen if he's listening to my thoughts?_

_Would it make him hate me?_

_What if he hates me?_

_Maybe he wanted us to be seperated,_

_What if he hated me all along,_

_and was just using me for his own selfish reasons._

_Perhaps he's unconsious somewhere,_

_and longing in his comatose state to be with me._

_Maybe I'm just paranoid,_

_and he's on his way home._

_Maybe he's sitting alone,_

_staring into the walls make of blackness,_

_and wondering the same about me._

**0o0o0o0o0**

I'm sitting on the roof again, watching the moon rise.

My stomach hurts, then again I guess I haven't eaten in a while. I haven't eaten much at all scince he left...

It's not like anyone's noticed.

I think I saw a shooting star go by. Why should i have to wish? Who ever's up there should have gotten tired of hearing it by now. I'm suprised he ever sends shooting stars this way anymore, I've claimed them all.

If what ever god was smart, he would just give my love back. Maybe I should bug the hell out of him untill he gives in. Then again, stupidity won't get me anywhere.

I've wondered now a days what people are thinking about me. I don't really care, I'm just curious. I heard Honda saying something about the teachers think i should go to a psych ward. "Cute little Bakura" isn't as "cute" anymore, huh? Oh well, it's their own damn faults. They took my yami away, so now they have to "take care" and deal with "Hospitally depressed Bakura," although they've done a grea job with that. They used to make me tag around with them. I think we've both given up on that.

I hate school. I hate this house. I hate everything and everyone. Except for-

Yes, mind, I get it! Except for Bakura. What are you a broken record? I think I'm a little obsessed.

The more alone I feel, the more I want him. But how can I not feel alone! I'm sitting on a roof, watching people pass by. Yuugi's calling to me from the ground, but I don't care. I won't acknowledge him. He doesn't deserve it.

Who am I kidding! You can't deserve my presence! That's like a worm getting an appology before it's stepped on! Plus, Yuugi's known by everyone in the world. If anyone is worthy enough to deserve my presence, it's him.

Keh! Not in my mind. If he wants to talk to me so bad, then he should make me see him. Maybe I should jump.

Nah. not for him. He doesn't care. I don't see him anymore. He probably went home. Or maybe it was to see his friends.

I feel a hand on my shoulder.

As I turn around to meet a familiar face, I wonder to myself:

Is there a chance that maybe someone might care?

**0o0o0o0o0**

**Dun dun! Who is it?**

**I'm on a role, i think I might type three in one day. So cross you're fingers and hope that living with Sunny and Kurayami hasn't turned me completely evil.**

**Ja ne!**


	11. How

Ok! Ok! Kalimoto I'm updating. You almost made me feel guilty!

**0o0o0o0o0**

_It hurts me so to hear your story,_

_To know that you never wanted to hurt me._

_But you're truths won't bring my lover back,_

_I still can't recover without him._

_How can I fully trust you_

_When you left me alone _

_for so long that I could have died._

_How can I forgive and forget when you forgot me,_

_knowing that I had no one else to cry to._

_How can I run to the one who took away the thing I treasure most in life._

_The one who took away the part of my soul that completes me?_

_I can feel sorry for you,_

_for I was stuck in the same position once too._

_You didn't need to drag me down with you._

_How can you live with a clear consience_

_while you're looking at how close to death I am?_

_To bear witness to the destruction of a once innocent soul?_

_Do you really expect for me to smile again_

_just because you said you're sorry?_

_I'm not the sweet child you once knew,_

_I'm the complete hellbound opposite._

_I still hate you in a way,_

_how can you not expect that?_

_The only way to make up for you're mistakes is to notice me,_

_to push everyone else out of the way,_

_to hug me when you see me crying,_

_even if it's not with tears._

_Maybe I do need help,_

_But if you won't do it then I won't seek it at all._

_And if I die tonight,_

_If death has his way with me,_

_then how can you live your life happily?_

**0o0o0o0o0**

I turn to stare at him.

Yuugi?

I think he's crying. I don't understand why. He's trying to pull me off the ledge and onto the roof. Woah! Was I standing on there! My consience must want me to die more than I thought...

He's holding my arm, sobbing like the little five year old that he looks like. Good god, did he seriously just notice my arms! Damn, he must have gotten eye surgery.

"I'm sorry," He says, giving me a hug. Hm...this is new...he's appologizing. He damn well better be sorry, he took Bakura away. I don't really know what to say with my mouth, so I don't say anything. He must need help on a math test or something. He's seriously kissing up to the wrong person, I mean, I dont pay attention in school anymore.

He gives me a look. I think he's scared, he's shaking a lot. If I still had any emotion left in me besides anger and pain, I'd hug him back and feel sorry for him. But nah. Not right now. I think I'm enjoying this. The bitch of the guy who stole my love away is talking to me. Should acknowledge the one who destroyed my chances of happiness? I don't even want to look at him. The ground is more interesting.

"P-please, Ryou." Wow. He said my name. "I need you to trust me." Good luck with that. "Listen to me." Sorry, not interested. He's pulling me down to meet his 2 foot hight. I'm resisting the urge to step on him. "I want to help you bring Bakura back."

Woah, woah woah! Time out! Say that again! "What?" I think I heard myself say.

He repeated himself, looking me dead in my eye. Ha ha, the shrimp made a funny. I'm...laughing. I've finally gone crazy. I'm staring at him, searching him for any signs that he's joking. When I don't find any, I get a little nervous. Scince when does he want to do anything to benefit me? Scince when does Yami no Yuugi let him do anything to benefit me!

His neck is bare. Come on Yuugi, you don't have to hide the puzzle. I'm not stupid, you moron. You gave yourself away! It's just a test to get Bakura to come out. Or maybe he's mocking me because he has someone who loves him and I dont...

"Why would I want him back?" I think I was kinda bitter when I said that, he flinched a little. His eyes have tears in them. Oh god, he can't start crying again!

"Because you're miserable without him."

Scince when does he care...and...damn, am I really that obvious? "Who says I'm miserable? And who says I love Bakura?" Shit. Didn't mean to say that.

He acted as though he didn't hear that comment. "The look in you're eyes. The way you've been acting. It's like the world is falling appart. I act as though I can't see what you do to yourself...But I don't want to draw unnecessary atention towards you." Smart kid. Guess he doesn't want to die. "You used to be so happy...untill...my yami banished him...I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him."

I can't think of anything to say that wouldn't make the situation more awkward.

"Also...I need his help..."

Figures, there has to be a twist. "We both know that Bakura won't help...him." I don't even want to say his yami's name. At the mention, he shrinks back a little. Odd.

"N-no...not him...actually..." He's trying to whisper something to me. Who's gonna hear us while we're up here! "The thing is...I need your help to get rid of him."

Uh huh, right. Like Bakura would-...What!

"I-I'm scared Ryou...If he gets any worse I think he'll kill me." Yuugi said timidly. He caught my attention.

I guess sometimes the happiest couple can be a disaster in the making behind closed doors. Just as the oddest couple can live happily ever after.

"I'm pretty sure I can help you bring him back from the shadow realm...But you need to trust me. I know you'll never be happy again without him. And...I was hoping...that maybe you and I could be friends again." He's stuttering and pausing a lot. I think I understand what he's saying...but I don't think I can trust him **completely**.

"Ok." I say quietly, not able to watch him get all teary again. "But I want to know...why can't you find help in your other friends?"

He's quiet. I've never seen him so upset. Does he really hide his emotions with happiness as I do with silence? "They all like him better. He's cool, smart, and has a story to go with. As for me, I have nothing. I probably am nothing..."

Something wet touches my hand. Oh, no, I am not crying! It must be starting to rain. Yeah, that's it! It's raining. I'm not allowed to give in, he's toying with me!

"Ryou?" I think I'm hugging him now. What's wrong with me! Why am I showing him weakness! Now he knows what to use against me!

"Please..." Great, I've lost controll of my mouth. "All I want is Bakura, He's all I've ever wanted, please give him back."

How am I letting myself do this! My mind is screaming that it's all a game being played by the King of Games, But Yuugi seems so sincere. He's hugging me back, and for some reason, I'm seeing a dim light at the end of the dark tunnel that I've been walking for what feels like eternity-

"Yuugi! Hey, Yug! You forgot the puzzle at my house!" Jou is blocking the light from my view with his big stupid ass head.

I've never seen a shrimp move so quick. He pulled away from me in a split second. "I'm sorry, Ryou. I have to go! I-I'll call you." Heh. The phone hasn't rang in so long that it'll probably cough instead of ring. "Ja ne!" He smiled at me. And for some reason, I smiled back.

I watched him from above as he met his friends. "Why are you hanging out with that psycho path?" I heard one of them ask.

"He needed to talk to me about his stupid emo drama. I decided to listen." Emo drama!

"Wow! You're such a nice person Yuugi! Now let me talk to Yami!" Yuugi looked back at me before he turned into the ancient ruler of egypt.

I walked to the door, down the steps, and back into my appartment. As I sat down on the couch, I felt...relieved in a way. And I suddenly felt tired...and hungry...and my wrists hurt like hell.

I lay my head on the back of the couch, sleep attacking me and holding my eyelids shut. And as I drifted into a deep sleep for the first time in forever, I couldn't help but wonder,

How the hell did he do that!

**0o0o0o0o0**

**Woah, a turning point. Whaddaya think?**

**Review please or you may not live to see the light of the next chapter!**

**If there is any...**


	12. Missing

**Could this be a fourth? Wow, I'm good.**

**0o0o0o0o0**

_What's happening to me,_

_what have you done?_

_You've worked magic upon my soul_

_and brought me back to life._

_But the room still seems foggy,_

_A piece of the puzzle is still hiding_

_under the razor blade_

_of which I've been avoiding._

_There's still something missing, _

_although you've returned_

_you're not the someone I desire most._

_You could go away,_

_for all I care,_

_dissapear into the darkness._

_All I want is my lover,_

_then I will truely be happy again._

_If I give you the chance,_

_will you truely redeem yourself?_

_And retrieve the piece for me_

_so I won't be tempted to harm myself?_

_I will guide you to your path of freedom_

_If you show me the path to him._

_There is something missing in both of our lives,_

_together we may be able to find it._

_You want relief,_

_I want my love,_

_Without my help you'll pay the price._

_You have no choice,_

_you must take a risk_

_to get what you want_

_you have to help me._

_Retrieve the missing link,_

_that's hiding under death's tool_

_even if your tempted to use it as well._

**0o0o0o0o0**

I think I'm awake. The phone's screaming at me. Luckily it's nearby, so all I have to do is roll over and grab it.

I answer in a scratchy voice. How long have I been out anyways?

It's Yuugi. Wow, so he wasn't joking when he said he would call me. That's amazing.

"Why haven't you been at school all week?"

Shit. What day is it?

Apparently It's Friday from what I'm told. Our little run in on the roof took place on Monday. Wow. I was out for a long time. From what I'm feeling, the words "out for a long time" seemed to bring my stomach back to life. It burns like hell, I've gotta get something in it before I die. Scince when do I care anyways?

"What the hell did you do to me?" I guess I'm thinking aloud, because he's asking what I mean. "I'm...**feeling**..."

A small laugh from the other line is real assuring. "Yeah. I feel a little better now knowing that you're feeling better." Who says I'm feeling better! "Hey. I wanted to let you know that I meant every word I said about helping you bring him back."

"Where's Yami?" I found myself asking that. I really need to learn to keep my thoughts in my head. Then again, the only one who I've talked to in so long is a wall. It feels kinda comforting to know that I'm talking to a human being that can respond.

There's silence. "H-he's upstairs." He's whispering to me now. "He doesn't know I'm talking to you right now." Well don't I feel special? He wanted to talk to me so bad that he's going against "orders" to contact me. He must be really desperate.

"Let's make the talk about plans quick, just in case he comes downstairs." Can do, I guess. "Meet me tomorrow night, 11 o'clock at the Battle City train station. We'll have to make a pretty lengthy trip. Isis and Malik are going to meet up with us and take us to a secluded part of town. They said they can't tell me where just incase he gets suspisious and tries to read my mind."

Of course that bastard would end up doing some bullshit like that...wait, why am I on Yuugi's side automatically!

"I got it." Why are Malik and Isis getting involved in this? Can I trust them? What if they're on Yami no Yuugi's side!

"So rest up. And for gods sake Ryou, eat something before you dissolve away to nothing! It's gonna be a long- Yes, of course I'm coming to school tommorrow Anzu! I wouldn't ditch you on the day our project is due! You have to give me more credit than that!"

"Yuugi, what the hell?" I asked, not having the slightest clue what happened.

"Gotta go. Don't forget." I barely caught that whisper. "Whatever. Believe what you want!...Ok, fine! Good bye!"

Click!

I take it Yami must have heard him talking to me. Out of all of his stupid friends, he had to pick Anzu for me to be! Ug, shoot me before I ever act like that friendship fag!

I stumbed off of the couch and into the kitchen. Wow. This is what it looks like. I haven't been in here for a while. I'd usually nibble on something from the cafeteria on the days that I wasn't staring at a wall in the library, pretending to do homework to aviod the "friendship squad."

As I boiled a pot of water, I let my mind wander to the doors that were sealed shut in my mind. Why didn't Yuugi ever say anything before? How does he plan to bring Bakura back? We can't just hold our breath, rush into the shadow realm, find him, and swim out of there as fast as we can! And what does Malik and Isis have to do with this story anyways! In the previous chapters, they haven't even popped up once, not even in my mind!

Opening the cabinet, I found a single cup of ramen that hadn't been attacked by my darker half. Something as simple as instant ramen was a challenge for him. I thought it was funny, watching him trying to read the directions on the back. And he'd always mess up on the part where you pour the water into the cup. Somehow, like a magnet, it always seemed to find his hand. He would scream out his favorite word in the english language.

Yeah, he indeed did overuse the "f word" and if he wasn't so scary, he would have already gotten his ass kicked multiple times. Between flicking off cars that passed and his choice to speak in the colorful language (which he learned from the psycho tomb keepers) at random people who passed by his humble presence, He made quite a few enemies. But I don't think anyone would dare touch him. He saved me many times that way.

I wonder if it's his eyes that make him look so menacing? I admit, the first time I looked in the mirror and saw his reflection staring- well, make that glaring- back at me, I was intimidated. But really, once he softened, his eyes were his most comforting feature. It might have been relief because I knew he was with me, or maybe I got used to the way he looked. But sometimes I wonder if I was comforted because I knew that I was the only one he would look at with such compassion in his eyes...I guess I was the only one who ever got somewhat close to him.

We had a close bond for a while...

I did get a little pissed when he made that deal with Malik. He let me out to suffer in the middle of the duel between me and Yami no Yuugi. I guess I deserved it...I did betray him. I didn't want to see anyone else get hurt. But it was after that duel that he softened. Even as I was out on the battle field, in unbearable pain, I felt him watching me. I could feel through our link his desire to comfort me, how bad it hurt him to watch me suffer. And even after I passed out and that bitch Anzu had the ring, I felt relieved to know that he really did care.

He lost the duel to Malik soon afterwards. For that, we were both thrown into the shadow realm. He told me not to worry, for a part of him was hiding in the puzzle, and he would make sure that he got me out of there.

I'm guessing he did his work, because I'm back in this world. Yuugi kept the ring for himself for a while. I tried to convince myself that life was better without him manipulating me. I told myself that he was a liar, and that he would never return the feelings that I had for him. I even got scared when I heard his voice in my head shortly before the two dumbasses stole Yuugi's bag of items. Then again, I have to give those two credit...they did reunite me with my love.

After he took me home, we had a talk. He seemed angry at me, yet harmless at the same time. I told him how I felt about what he had done to my life. I just wanted to be normal, which he said would never happen. I was scared, but I let him know about my love towards him...and I was suprised to hear that he felt the same way. He appologized to me, told me that he was sorry for ever hurting me or my life. A guy of his extent has a lot of guts to do something like that. I think he earned my respect that night, before I thought of him as unfair and a cheater who would do anything to get what he wanted. That was also the night he first kissed me.

I guess we had no choice to have such a strong bond, for a while we were in the same body. When we first met, I admit, he was...hm...how do I say this...a sadist for a while, but it didn't take him too long to change towards my favor. By the time he had seperated from me, that vengant demon had changed into someone who was capable of love. I liked him from even the second I first saw him, and I didn't really mind that he was attacking my friends after a while, as awkward as it seemed. As long as he was with me, I didn't care about anything.

But where does love get you? To my house, that's where. My ramen's done, and I'm wondering if I can even stomach it. I never really was much of an eater. I would usually eat half of something, and give the rest to the "more or less human garbage disposal" named Bakura. My yami always was a carnivore. I don't mind meat, it just isn't my favorite food. I'm more of a pasta person myself. I'd choose a plate of spaghetti over a bloody steak anyday.

And once again, I'm thinking about Bakura. I can't go five seconds without thinking about him. But I think I'm allowed to be obsessed. I miss him so much!

Ug! The damn phone is ringing again!

I try to answer it nicely, for I'm a little agitated by the noise.

"Ryou! Change of plans, we have to leave now!"

It's Yuugi..."Why? What's going on?" I don't think I managed to block the fear out of my voice.

"Please Ryou, we have to hurry...Yami found out!"

**0o0o0o0**

**Dun dun! Had to add something like that there...**

**Can anyone see a distinct change in Ryou? One of my reviewers asked what would happen if someone volunteered to help him. He's still bitter in a way, and obsessed with Bakura of course. But I was in a way realating it to my own life. I didn't have someone who "helped me" when Sunny dissapeared (hell i had someone to make it worse), but now that she's back and best friend and blood sister notices that i'm still alive again, I feel better. Love ya, Shiira-san! (applaudes)**

**In a way, Ryou still will never be happy again until he gets his lover. **

**I'm thinking that the ending isn't going to be as happy as I'm making it seem...**

**Thanks much for reading this crap. Review!**


	13. Forever

**Um...yeaaah...(Avoids looking at the angry mob of fans) ...Sunny-kun did it! (Runs off)**

_Sunny: NO FAIR! (runs away)_

**(Runs up a tree) Sorry! There was this play at my school and I was in it and too busy to worry about this story! (Dodges a shoe) Here's the update, don't saw my head off! (throws a stack of paper down to fans) Take it all, just don't hurt me!**

**Oh by the way- (gets hit in the head with a rock) Ok, I'm going! I have to say that I'm using lyrics rather than using an original poem- yes i am lazy- but the lyrics fit when I listened to the song, and i had to share the joy** (_heh, real joyous_) **of Evanescence's "Even in death" with you. Don't own that or yuugiou, so dont sue me. Seriously though, you won't get shit. I'm broke -.-**

**0o0o0o0**

_Give me a reason to believe that you're gone. _

I see your shadow so I know,

_That they're all wrong.  
_

_Moonlight on the soft brown earth,  
_

_It __leads__ me to where you lay.  
_

_They took you away from me,  
_

_But now I'm taking you home. _

I _will__ stay forever here with you, my __love__. _

The softly spoken words you gave me.

_Even in death our love goes on. _

Some say I'm crazy for my love, ooh my love.

_But no __bonds__ can hold me,  
_

_From your side, ooh my love.  
_

_They don't know you can't leave me.  
_

_They don't hear you singing to me._

_I __will__ stay forever here with you, my __love_

_The softly spoken words you gave me._

_Even in death our love goes on._

_And I can't love you, anymore than I do_

_(Insert sexy guitar solo here)_

_I __will__ stay forever here with you, my __love__. _

The softly spoken words you gave me.

_Even in death our love goes on._

_0o0o0o0_

"What do you mean, he found out? How the hell did he find out!" I heard myself yelling. Wow, I sounded like my yami. Damnitt, I thought about him again!

"I-I'm sorry R-ryou..." I heard Yuugi whimper from the other end. "I was so s-scared...And he knew anyways...He can read my mind, you know." Typical ass hole yami action. How immature of him, Bakura stopped relying on that long ago. "Gods, I'm so s-sorry, Ryou!" He was crying now, I could tell although he was trying to hide it. Poor kid. I feel sorry for him.

"It's ok..." I say quietly, twirling the phone cord on my finger. Great a nervous habit. That's what I need to do right now; be nervous. "Where's Yami now?"

"I don't know! He ran out of the house, and I haven't heard from him scince. I called Jou, Anzu, and Honda, but they said they haven't seen him! I-I don't know what to do Ryou! I don't know!" The boy broke into sobs. Shit. I'm not good at calming people down. What am I supposed to do? "I'm scared! Wh-what's gonna happen? He was really pissed when he stormed out of here, like he wanted to kill someone...What will happen when he gets home-?"

I dropped the phone as a booming knock sounded at my door. My heart pounded furiously, slightly angry at being startled as I snatched the phone off the floor. I was about to bring it back to my ear, when Yuugi's words sank in.

_He was really pissed when he stormed out of there, like he wanted to kill someone..._

My hands shook with fear as I slowly lifted the phone back up. "Yuugi...I think that's the worst of our problems right now..."

"Ryou! What do you mean! What's going on! Ryou, are you there!"

My eyes never left the door. The pounding on the door was louder, an irritated tone that echoed though the thin walls of my shit hole appartment. "I'm here, Yuugi. Listen, pack some stuff and meet me where we said." My voice was low incase the one at the door could hear me. "And don't worry, I think I know where Yami is."

"Ryou, wait! Ryou, don't hang up! Ryou-!"

_Click!_

**((I wish I could leave it here. How evil would that be! T.T But it's not long enough to do that... boo hoo!))**

I rose to my feet slowly, my heart pounding so loud that I could hear it. Walking fearfully to the door, I summoned up the courage to look into the peek hole. The three colors of hair and belted outfit were unmistakable. Without even thinking about it, I ran into my room, grabbing my backpack on the way, and dumping the contents onto the floor.

"Ryou! I know you're in there! You'd better open this the door now or I'm busting in!" The familiar voice sneered, but it held a tone that I had never heard before. It was cold and evil...It almost sounded like Bakura when I first met him. I grabbed random articles of clothing and various other things that I would need. I still planned to come back here once I saw Bakura.

My eyes spotted a picture. Bakura and I on Tanabata day. We had asked a kind young lady to take a picture of us under a cherry blossom tree. I was sitting in his lap snuggled up close to him, while he kissed my cheek and played with my hair. I was smiling in true happiness...we both were...I can remember the lady who took the picture didn't seem weirded out about two guys being together. I guess I could be mistaken for a girl at times. I placed the photo in my pocket.

Snapping back to reality and out of my happy memories, I slung my now full bag over my shoulder. "You have untill the count of ten to open this door, or else..." His threat sent shivers down my spine.

"One..."

I ran out into the living room. My legs were shaking in fright, I never really trusted any guy except for Bakura. Stupid paranoia, if could even be called that. Yuugi-chan is scared to death of this guy, so why shouldn't I be?

"Two..."

The straps of my backpack were in a deathgrip in my hands. My mind was racing, heart beating faster than Yami's hands on the door.

"Three..."

An escape, an escape! That's what I need! The kitchen window, too small. My room's window, stuck shut. The balcony, I wouldn't make it!

"Four..."

I haven't felt this emotion in so long...I don't know how to react. The fear is controling my mind, I'm dashing through the small appartment with no destination, walking into closets and even the bathroom, begging that there's a window in them. When none are found, it sends more frightened emotions to my mind, converting me back to the person I was not too many hours ago. Feelings of hopelessness, desperation and darkness all rush back into my head, and I fall to my knees, begging that it all be over.

"Five..."

No. My hands leave my head. A small wave of determination rushed through me, faint but noticeable. I won't let myself be done in by these emotions. All seemed lost but someone's attempting to help me out. I am not alone. Someone does still love me, even if he isn't here in my world. I have the power to bring him back, giving up would be fair and unselfish to him.

"Six..."

I'm doing this for Bakura. He would never want me to die on the inside again. To see me like i have been for the past few years would hurt him. To know that I wanted to die...It would kill him. He wants me to live. Fate's giving me a chance to reunite us. I will not let it slip.

"Seven..."

I rush to my feet, hesitantly sliding open the glass door that led to the balcony. No matter what, I will get Bakura back. No one, especially Yami no Yuugi, would stop me now.

"Eight..."

Forget what I said. My heart sank as I searched the walls below the balcony, not finding a single thing to hold onto. Determination started to slip again...

"Nine..."

I fear welled inside of me, there was no way of escape! Except...

"Ready or not, I'm coming in!" Yami shouted, kicking the door open. It slammed against the He smiled evily, his glare piercing and meniacle. Too bad I didn't get to see it. I was already out. My ankle hurt from the second story jump off of the balcony, but I still ran. I had to get as far away from there as possible, I had to get to the train station and meet Yuugi...The way I saw it, this was my only chance to get my lover back, and there was no way I was letting it slip past me.

**0o0o0o0**

**Yeah...Update...Sorry!**

**Review...um...please?**


	14. Thoughts

**I would like to take a moment to deticate this story to my friend Dan. Dan has issues. Dan had a chances to fix those issues. Dan gave up that chance to fix those issues because he's a dumbass, and currently in making no attempt to get better. Dan believes that all that's left for him is death, which is the truth with the way he's heading.**

**The moral to this entire story of mine: Take a chance, when you find love, don't every chance to get it away. If you have issues- like me and so many other people in this world have- get over them. I realize at times it is not that easy, and the road seems hopeless and depressing, but seriously, life will go on. You're a human, Dan. A few people will be sad when you die, but time cannot stop for you. Soon no one will be sad to see you go if you make them all hate you. When you find your someone, don't screw it up and leave them behind. And with those words, I deticate this story, Look What You've Done To Me, to you.**

**Wow...I feel like a new person! I feel better! Email me with your issues, I'll give my two sense. (Hikari the psycho-ologist, has a nice ring to it)**

**By the way, don't worry, I'm not nearly done with this story, I just had to get this off my chest.**

**No, this is not to my boyfriend for those who are wondering, this guy is about 30 and I'm 14...would not happen in a million years. To make up for my over the limit talking and lack of updating, Hikari will post the next chapter as soon as she gets a review!**

**0o0o0o0o0o0o0o0**

_I wallow here_

_staring at my reflection_

_could knowicing my flaws_

_lead to perfection?_

_could this knife to my wrist_

_be the answer to my wishes_

_for all my hopes and dreams_

_went swimming with the fishes_

_could this blurry sight be_

_that i'm close to freedom?_

_all those who pushed me down_

_hell, I don't need 'em_

_is this numbing pain_

_a sign that i'm dying?_

_will all the problems i have_

_be sent flying?_

_could this darkness mean_

_that i've excepted my fate_

_don't try to stop me_

_its already too late-_

I tore the paper from my notebook, folding it up and shoving it in the back. Why do I still write that crap anyways? I guess dark poetry has always been something to keep myself occupied, even when Bakura was around. He discovered my little black book a long while ago, and trust me, he definately had something to say about it.

_"What's up with this crap, Ryou? You're not really thinking like this, are you? My koi...am I really doing that bad a job of loving you?"_

_"N-no Kura! Never! I'm not t-thinking of suicide or anything! It's just...I just like to write stuff, I..."_

He laughed. _"It's ok, I get it. You don't have to worry." _His finger touched my lips softly, pulling me closer to him, as he replaced with his own-

Oh yeah...What happened earlier, I forgot about that...By the time Yami got out, I was gone. He almost saw me (he must have gone looking for me), but luckily I had time to turn and run. I couldn't let them know where I was going, because then he would follow us, and that wouldn't end too well. I made it just as the train was leaving to find poor Yuugi wailing miserably in a corner. Poor kid, he thought I had abandoned him. Or maybe he was thinking of worse, aka my run in with the pharoah. I guess it's understandable, my yami wasn't always so nice to me.

It really does make me see two sides of the same pain. I was miserable because no one cared about me or my yami, and yuugi was miserable because everyone cared about Yami rather than him. Personally, I don't see what anyone sees in the guy. He irritates me, and Yugi is the side of his heart that actually cares about his friends. My fellow hikari would die for the other members of the friendship squad, yet he gets nothing in return. Just ignorance.

Somehow, Yuugi has kept that innocence that vanished from my soul a long time ago. He still looks like a tiny puppy who wants love, even as his eyes are tear stained and he's curled up asleep next to me. The kind of childish aura that makes you want to pet him still exists, and seems to could his dark feelings. For me, it's the other way around. I let my own inner hurt kill all feelings of happiness that I had, and It nearly killed me. But he's a fighter, persistant and strong (add annoying to that list).

I envy him for that.

He sighed in his slumber and snuggled closer into my side. The cuteness nearly made my heart melt, almost like it did when I fould Kura in a nightmare. He really does look like a little kid when he cries. He looked so helpless, I had to wake him up. He gave me this look, which reminded me of a scared kitten, then rushed into my arms and wouldn't let go. By the time he called down, he was trying to put back on the tough guy act. I think that that might have been the first time that I had ever seen the big bad tomb robber blush, man he was embarassed. Just to tease him I said that he looks like an infant when he cries. He says I look like one all the time, gee, isn't he good at comebacks...

But it wasn't his childishness that made me feel all gooey inside, it was his reasoning for it. I asked him about his dream, because it had to of been something big to make Bakura the theif king ball his eyes out. He told me that in his dream, I had been taken from him, and killed before his eyes. It kind of shocked me a little bit, I had never known that I was that special to someone. It made me feel so happy, I started crying. Then he started crying and we both were crying, It was odd. That was one of our moments that I've never shared, for we both felt like loosers when It was over. Atleast something good came out of it, Bakura and I went to an all night resturaunt and had ice cream, which became our friday night ritual. No matter what we had planned, it would be canceled for our night together. I don't see why we had that vow. Everything that we did was together anyways.

I looked at Yuugi and wondered to myself about him. Has he ever had fun with his yami? What memories are precious to him? Why isn't he miserable when he has nothing to cherish?

I pulled off my sweater. The night was hot, and the rocking of the train was soothing. Besides us, the only people in our car was a mom with two little kids who were giggling quietly near the front. I hissed slightly in pain as the fabric slid over my arms. It's been 5 days scince I've cut, and in that time, all I've done is sleep. Going weeks without sleep isn't exactly good for you, nor is it easy. That familiar feeling of drowziness is beginning to tug at me, not matter how much I want to continue my calming thoughts of me and Bakura.

Yuugi stirred slightly, mumbling something incoherent as he opened his lavender eyes. I looked down at him when he clutched my arm, trying not to wince in pain. "No. Don't do that Ry-chan, don't hurt yourself. It makes me sad." He kissed my arm lightly, then lay his head back against my side. I couldn't help but smile as he promtly began breathing heavily again. He didn't seem like the type to talk in his sleep.

I couldn't help but dive into thought about him again...What does he have to look forward to in life? Yami apparently hates him, his friends only care about his darker half, and he has no one to love him. He's one of the sweetest people I've ever met, and yet he's treated like shit. I never even noticed how sad he was, how much he has to cry about...I wonder how he gets up everyday? I guess I was the same way, hiding my pain with a mask of...well...nothing. I pretended to be happy at first, like Yuugi, but the act slowly got old. I gave up. But he's held onto it for so long...it makes me want to comfort him, and tell him that I do care about him. A week ago, I wouldn't of minded if he had been brutaly murdered, I just wanted revenge. He was the pharoah's bitch, so in my book, he took partial responsibility for my loss. Now I realize that it wasn't his fault. I feel wrong to have ever blamed him, he didn't do anything. He never wanted to hurt me, and I should have never wanted to hurt him. I was as bad as Yami no Yuugi and Bakura acted to one another, holding a grudge from the past that I should have let go.

But you can't blame a guy for being mad over something like this. I was to the point where I was going to die, and Yuugi wasn't exactly doing anything about it. Though...I don't blame him anymore. He's been through enough, and he actually wanted to do something, but didn't have the guts. That's not his fault. I know how it feels to be controled against my will, and I never liked it much, so I can't accuse Yuugi for anything.

I let out a yawn, stretching my legs out. I shouldn't fight sleep any longer, we have a big day ahead. Wrapping my arms around Yuugi, I lay my head back and closed my eyes. The train rocked me to sleep, my mind finally clear of bothersome thoughts that had intruded my head over the previous days.

**0o0o0o0o0**

**Yup. Turned out short...sorry...but it does have big paragraphs!**

**I appologize for shittyness. The next chapter is already halfway done, and will be ready by the time i get a review...I said a review...(cough) REVIEW!**


	15. Lullaby

**Here I go, I will try not to get distracted...ooh! Stepmania!**

**0o0o0o0o0**

_follow_

_hear the voice and _

_follow _

_my sweet desire_

_be my only kiss goodbye_

_as you soak the ground with my pain_

_my sweet lullaby_

_come to me_

_my sweet freedom_

_escape_

_wash your troubles away_

_wont be too long_

_just hear the rest of my song_

_my goodbye to you_

_dont cry for me_

_my sweet lullaby_

_close your eyes_

_lullaby_

_the sweet song of freedom, _

_calling for my soul_

_i dont need this place_

_close your eyes _

_lullaby_

_time to say goodbye_

_dont miss me_

_goodbye_

_goodnight_

**-**

"Ry-chan?"

The soft voice tugged me out of my dream world and into reality. "Hm?" I asked, not bothering to open my eyes, it was as if they were too tired. Yuugi's giant purple eyes gased up at me, filled with curiousity.

"You awake?"

I couldn't help but laugh. "Now I am."

He laughed too, before a serious look crossed his face, and his eyes traveled to the arm his head had been resting on. "Ry-chan...How did you do this?"

I was silent. An odd question coming from him...what the hell do I say?

"Um...with sharp objects...why?" I asked, scratching the back of my head. This was awkward, I don't exactly go around teaching about cutting myself. It intrigued me that he was curious, I thought that he would avoid the subject at all costs.

"No...that's not what I meant...I mean, how did you...do it?" He shook his head from frustration. "I mean, I would never be able to do that, doesn't it hurt?"

I smiled. I get it now. He basically doesn't know how I willed myself to put a blade to my arm. "Well, Yuugi, I was really depressed. I don't exactly know how to explain it...I kinda...wasn't thinking strait-"

The little boy grabbed my arm, pulling my face close to his. "Promise me! Promise me you won't do that again!"

Could I really promise that? True, I wasn't numb anymore, I felt the aftermath of what I had done to myself for so long. But still...inflicting pain upon myself had become a habit, and I could almost guarentee that if I had a panic attack, blades would be involved. I looked in his eyes of innocence, and saw myself snuggled with Bakura in bed. A smile sat across our faces, arms wrapped securely around each other. At the same time, I saw hope in his eyes, hope that he would one day find the one for him. I could promise...even if it's to Yuugi and not my love. My Bakura would be my real reason for such a thing. Still, this boy looked to me for help, like I was his brother. He would follow my actions, and to cause him to hurt himself would be tragic.

_No. Don't do that Ry-chan, don't hurt yourself. It makes me sad..._

"I promise Yuugi-chan. Never again. I won't make you sad." I hugged him tightly. He relaxed into my arms. It was the first time in forever I had made a promise, let alone one that I actually planned on keeping.

-

We got off the train sometime around noon. We weren't far from the airport, and this was the closest the train would let off. Yuugi and I still had a few hours to blow, so we decided on getting something to eat.

The two of us sat at a table in a fast food resturaunt, everything on the menu making me want to hurl. My stomach felt like it was doing flip flops as I ate some shitty sandwich that I had ordered. It may not have been entirely the grease level of the food's fault, for I could tell I was nervous. My heart would literaly shatter if this way to bring Bakura back failed. Deep in the back of my mind, I knew I would get my hopes up, I knew that something would go wrong. Then I would be back where I started; a mess. how would I be able to keep my promise then?

My eyes traveled away from my grease drowning food and to Yuugi, who was preoccupied with building a tower out of his french fries, and giggling cutely. Thoughts illigally creeped into my head, thoughts that never planned on thinking.

Maybe if Bakura didn't come back...maybe, just maybe...Yuugi and I could...hook up or something-

Bad Ryou! Bad! Bad! Bad! Don't ever think that again...

-

"Malik-chaaan!" The short little boy who had been walking next to me burst into a run, tackling the unsuspecting blonde at a unbelievable speed for someone of his height.

Isis bowed politely at me, and from inside of the small private jet, I could see Marik waving his hand. The sound of the engine was loud enough to hold back some of Yuugi's giggled and the blonde hikari's yells for the midget to unhand him. Apparently there was no time for chit chat and happy reuniting. Pulling Malik along with him, Yuugi took my hand in his free one. I couldn't prevent my face from flushing as he dragged me into the small aircraft. Things like that are beyond one's control.

In the distance, I couldn't help but notice a figure coming closer to us. I caught it as I glanced out the window while in the process of snapping on my seatbelt. Something the said person didsn't seem to realize is that they stand out quite well. The hair kinda gives it all away. Before I could stop, I found myself shouting, "Go!"

Yuugi-chan looked in the direction I had, and the horror on his face was heart-wrenching. "Marik-san! Please go!"

You know, I never expected the blonde yami to have the ability to do anything useful in this world, no offence. I have to say, I was pretty impressed that the plane made it even a few inches off the ground. He seemed like the normal psycho kind who would take an interest in theiving as Bakura had...

My heart began to beat faster. I was actually going to see Bakura. There's no turning back now, no "the plane broke down" or other lame excuse that would prevent me from reuniting with my love. An odd smile broke out on my face, and I couldn't help the feelings of joy that washed over me. Yuugi seemed to have noticed and smiled as well. I noticed his fearful look that was shot out the window, and I couldn't help but glance out at the ground that was falling farther and farther away from my view. Yami no yuugi stood where we had been, watching us fly off. Too bad, he was too late to catch us.

"So Ryou, what have you been up to lately? Have you been...ok?" I heard Malik ask from his position on the floor once we were in the air. We were supposed to stay in our seats, but it was obvious that he disregarded that rule like it was nonexistent. Even from upside down, he was gazing at me funny, and I couldn't help but want to kick him in the head.

My short companion hikari gave me a funny look as Malik asked that. Of course, I was smart enough to throw on a sweater before we got off the train, but I could tell that I still looked like shit. I feigned confusion, looking down it him with curiousity. I still really don't care what people have to say about me, but it does interest me, and I can't help but what to know. Do I still look half dead? Do my eyes still scream "kill me" like they did before? "What do you mean?" I asked carefully, planning out my words. I don't want to give any hints of fear that could cause him to think that any rumors that he had heard were true. It wouldn't suprise me if I was the laughing stock of...well...the world. Or maybe I'm still paranoid.

"You look sleepy, Ryou why don't you take a nap?" He rolled over and rested his face between his hands. "I'll scoot over and you can join me." He patted the floor beside him, a clear signal that he wanted a pillow. Usually I would decline the offer, and I started to when a yawn escaped me before I could stiffle it. Yuugi too unhooked his seat belt and flopped onto the floor, giggling cutely. "Yeah Ryou! Don't be a spoil sport! Sleep with us!"

A kinky grin crossed my face as I imagined the other meaning of their words coming true. A threesome between the three hikaris...oh the irony. Still, I gave into my companions calls and stretched out between them. The blonde and the tri-nete were laughing so cheerfully, it made me smile as well. And I don't even think I was faking it. You know, life isn't really that bad when you have friends to make it all better. The only thing that would have made me happier at that moment was Bakura being with me...

That sent me into thought. By the time it had gotten dark, Malik and Yuugi were out like lights. But still...I couldn't sleep. My heart was pounding too fast, and too many thoughts were racing through my head. As the moon had risen, I had concluded to myself that I would see Bakura again, and we would get home safely, to have things return to the way they were before...But...then again...what would become of Yuugi? Did we really want to risk loosing my Yami again? Wouldn't it be a lot easier if we just left him alone? I know I wouldn't mind if Yuugi came in lived with us...in fact, it might be kinda fun...

I pryed Maliks arms off of my waist and unhooked my own from Yuugi. Climbing over one of the seats, I made it to the window, peering into the darkness below. So much for figuring out where we were.

"Ryou?"

I turned. It was Isis. "Hai?" I asked quietly, not wanting to make too much noice. Malik and Yuugi looked so peaceful that I didn't have the heart to wake them.

"May I talk to you?" She asked seriously, her eyes boring into mine. To tell you the truth, it intimidated me.

"Um...sure..." I said slowly, and she motioned for me to follow her into the cockpit.

-

"Ryou...this ritual is a dangerous one. The overall effectiveness is based on your will. Are you positive you want to go through with this?"

I nodded. My fist was tightening against my control, my determination flaring. If it was will the spell needed, it was will the spell would get. I've never wanted anything more. "Please Isis...Marik...I'll do anything, anything you want. What ever it takes, I don't care! All I want is my Bakura." I could hear the Yami snickering at the "my" in what I had said. I instantly grew angry at him, my mind's bottled up emotions tired of being trapped inside. "Just what the hell do you know, you bastard! I loved Bakura and me meant the world to me! What's so funny about the fact that he was taken away from me!" Tears welled in my eyes, but I didn't care. I didn't care about how pathetic I looked at that moment. Before I knew what was happening, I was crying again, even though my mind screamed in protest.

I could hear how quiet they were, but I didn't care. "Jeez kid..." I heard Marik's voice over my own tears. "I was laughing because it was cute."

-

The rest of what they told me was a blur...Too much info to take in at once if you ask me. I snuggled up with my fellow millennuim item holders, and even though I wanted to stay awake some more, I just couldn't keep my eyes open anymore. I'll close them for just a minute...

"Malik-chan? What are you doing to him? Stop that, that's gross!"

"No it's not, and you know it! You know you want to too!"

"Do not!"

"Do too!"

"Do not, I'm not a perv like you- Oh my god! Ryou, wake up! Look, we're in Egypt!"

My eyes snapped open, and I became aware that it was no longer dark...That's funny, I didn't remember going to sleep. I must have dozed off.Malik's lavender eyes stared down at me, tongue hanging halfway out of his mouth. Lucky for him I was too excited to slap him across the face, for I settled for wiping his slober off of my cheek. I joined Yuugi next to the window excitedly, looking down at the miles of nothing but sand that stretched over the ground below. We were finally here, in Egypt.

_I'm almost there Bakura...Please wait just a little bit longer..._

**0o0o0o0o0**

**Wahoo! A long chapter! Turned out big! Hikari is proud! And I did keep my promise to update! Nyahaha! Thank you to my three reviewers: Iris, Kalimoto, and Princess of the Tomb Robber. I love you all! huggles**

**Wow, i knowticed how much better my writing has gotten scince the beginnning...It was rather sucky and rushed then...**

**Hikari will update when the chance comes...but she does have a job and her back really does hurt! (cry)**


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